10 Ways To Support A Suicide Loss Survivor

Talking to a person who has lost a loved one to suicide presents challenges beyond the discomfort we commonly feel in the presence of grief.

“The reason I think that some people are so hesitant to talk about suicide is that it's scary,” said Tina Hoffman, Community Health Improvement Coordinator at Franciscan Health. “We are more comfortable as a society talking about someone that may have died in a car accident, because that is something we couldn't prevent. And with someone having thoughts of suicide or having lost someone to suicide, we typically want answers that are sometimes not available to be found.”

Talking About A Loved One Lost To Suicide

How can you navigate conversations with suicide loss survivors in a kind, thoughtful, and responsible way?

“The first thing I tell people – and I have lost someone to suicide and know how uncomfortable it can be – that you can just simply talk about their loved one,” Hoffman said. “We could talk about the memory of that person. Ask what that family member's favorite memory is of their loved one or our favorite memory of their loved one, to keep their memory alive and not focus on the means of their death.”

Focus on the person and keeping their memory alive more than focus on the means of death.

“It's none of our business to be perfectly honest,” Hoffman said. “And if that family wants to talk about suicide, then we can sit down and listen to what happened.”

Supporting A Suicide Loss Survivor

So what are some things that we can say or do for someone who has lost someone to suicide? Hoffman offers these 10 ways to support a suicide loss survivor.

1. “We can simply say, ‘I'm sorry.’ We do not have to say, ‘I know how you're feeling’ because unless we are that family, we don't know how they're feeling.”
2. Refer to the loved one by name – say “John,” not “your son,” for example. “We try to keep the memory alive by referring to them in their name.”-
3. Spend some time in silence. “I always recommend just sitting with them. Sitting in silence is incredibly hard, but being that person just willing to sit there and have, silent support is invaluable.”
4. Ask what help the family needs during this time. “We can't always put our love on someone if we don't know how to give them some support as well, the family may have specific ways we could help support them.”
5. Offer to do specific errands or chores for that person.
6. Offer to drive the person to early appointments with a grief counselor or attend a grief or suicide loss support group with them. “Being that silent support breaks down the barrier of fear for someone that is afraid to go by themselves for the first time.”
7. Be respectful of the person’s cultural and religious beliefs. “When we're wanting to honor them, we can ask that family what it looks like for them.”
8. Remember key days, such as birthdays, holidays and anniversaries. “Holidays and days that are personalized to that family are still hard and they should be acknowledged no matter the means, the way someone passes.”
9. Assist with cleaning out or donating the loved one’s belongings. “Be willing to go in and help with the hard chores of folding laundry and putting things in the donate piles. That's incredibly overwhelming, even no matter how we lose someone.”
10. Consider a memory walk or a fundraiser to continue the conversation of suicide prevention.

For more resources on talking about suicide, visit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention at afsp.org.

Listen Now: Supporting Survivors Of Suicide Loss

Talking to a person who has lost a loved one to suicide presents challenges beyond the discomfort we commonly feel in the presence of grief. Tina Hoffman, Community Health Improvement Coordinator at Franciscan Health, talks about how to support people who have lost loved ones to suicide in the Franciscan DocPod podcast.